Emotional Intelligence is an individual endeavor, a form of self-improvement that needs to be internalized each day. But leaders can’t be the only emotionally intelligent individuals on the team, and it’s more difficult and ill-advised to instill your philosophies and your values on another individual.

This was the nuance we explored on “Building an Emotionally Intelligent IT Team” with guest Scot Berkey, Managing Director of FullPeak LLC and a Former CIO.

Here are 20 nuggets of wisdom worth keeping in mind on your team’s emotional journey.

1. Technical capability gets you ahead in IT, not human skills. As a result, teams struggle on individual and group levels in demonstrating appropriate leadership and emotional intelligence.
2. Teams often conflict and have trouble dealing with differing opinions. Yet having no conflict among your team is as troublesome as having too much conflict.
3. Individuals struggle to get honest feedback about themselves or an honest picture of how others perceive them. The same can be said of leaders.
4. Teams of all sizes struggle with trust that’s broken down because of the actions of poorly emotionally intelligent individuals.
5. Leaders often fail simply because teams can’t find the time or budget to provide proper emotional intelligence training.
6. “Emotional Intelligence is really about knowing yourself and how other people relate to you. That only has value when you put that into action.”
7. “If you don’t know who you are, and you don’t know how people of different personality types and cultures will relate to you, it’s very difficult to have a positive interaction with them.”
8. Developing an understanding between a team takes knowledge, patience and time.
9. It’s as hard for many people to receive constructive criticism as it is for them to give it.
10. Teams who can’t give or receive criticism bicker and lose productivity. Don’t allow teams who are capable and competent to go silent because they can’t share constructively.
11. There’s a problem with emotional intelligence when your team is looking for someone else to solve its problems.
12. Fear, apathy or issues within a team’s personal dynamics can all affect a team’s performance. Detecting these issues within your team could be as simple as watching body language.
13. Teams that aren’t functional as a team are the worst possible outcome financially for your company.
14. A single leader creating a culture based on fear can create all sorts of adverse behavior within the organization. Don’t create a culture in which there are consequences for giving constructive feedback.
15. An emotionally intelligent team is one in which the results of the team are greater than the sum of its individual parts.
16. You can accept, reject or defer judgment on the feedback people give you, but you have to acknowledge it.
17. Consider an individual external coach; you might be part of the problem, or you might be THE problem.
18. Create a personal advisory board of people who look at things very differently than you do, and welcome their unsolicited feedback.
19. The shared stories of who you are a part of your culture. If you don’t have those shared experiences, you don’t have a culture. Be sure to reinforce it regularly and help new employees and bad apples understand that this dynamic is here to stay.
20. Trust, Compassion, Consistency and Love are the 4 words that define Emotional Intelligence. Model the behavior you expect inside your team, or you won’t receive it.

Find out more tips by listening to the show “Building an Emotionally Intelligent IT Team.” Tweet your favorite thought from the list above and tag us @CIOTalkNetwork.